Love & other assets

The secret to managing money as a couple according to Esther Perel

Episode Summary

In this episode of Love & other assets, Emily Luk, CEO and co-founder of Plenty, welcomes Esther Perel, a renowned psychotherapist, and her husband and co-founder, Channing Allen, for a deep dive into the intersection of relationships and finances. Esther shares her expertise on how money dynamics shape relationships, from the balance of power and control to shared values and long-term goals. The conversation touches on how couples can navigate financial differences, redefine fairness, and find harmony between individuality and togetherness. Emily and Channing share personal stories from their journey as co-founders and partners, illustrating how communication, trust, and humor can transform challenging money conversations into opportunities for growth.

Episode Notes

In this episode of Love & other assets, host Emily Luk sits down with her co-founder and husband, Channing Allen, and Plenty advisor, Esther Perel. Esther, a New York Times bestselling author and globally recognized voice on relationships, joins the conversation to explore the intersection of love, money, and power dynamics.

The episode begins with personal anecdotes from Emily and Channing about their own financial journey as a couple, from the early days of splitting bills to navigating shared expenses and different income levels. Esther offers profound insights into the emotional underpinnings of financial decisions, explaining how money serves as both a practical and symbolic element in relationships.

Key topics include the role of power dynamics in financial decisions, the concept of fairness in partnerships, and the importance of finding a balance between togetherness and individuality. Esther emphasizes that while money often creates tension, the way couples communicate about it can either exacerbate or resolve conflicts.

The discussion also delves into the value of transparency, the significance of shared goals, and the evolving cultural norms around financial independence and interdependence. Emily and Channing share how they’ve used humor and open dialogue to manage differences, while Esther reframes money management as a relational skill that grows alongside the partnership.

This episode is a must-listen for couples navigating the complexities of love, money, and modern relationships.

What We Discussed:

  1. Power and Control in Relationships: Esther explains how power dynamics are inherent in relationships and often manifest through money. She offers advice on how couples can recognize and address these dynamics without letting them create conflict.
  2. Redefining Fairness: Channing and Emily reflect on how they approached financial fairness, even as their income levels shifted, emphasizing the importance of mutual contribution and support.
  3. Transparency and Trust: The conversation highlights the value of transparency in financial discussions, from sharing assets to navigating major decisions like joint expenses or prenups.
  4. Balancing Individuality and Togetherness: Esther frames this as the central task of relationships, offering guidance on how couples can align financial management with their relational goals.
  5. The Emotional Weight of Money: Emily and Channing share how their upbringing influenced their financial behaviors, while Esther explores how cultural legacies shape financial decisions and perceptions of value.
  6. Practical Advice for Couples: Esther suggests that couples approach money management as an ongoing conversation, integrating regular check-ins and leveraging tools like advisors or apps to bridge knowledge gaps.

Listen to the full episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Podcast Addict, Pocket Casts, Castbox, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or your favorite podcast platform.

Brought to you by Plenty. Plenty is an wealth management platform designed specifically for couples to build wealth, together. We go beyond budgeting, making it simple to invest, save and grow towards your future goals by unlocking access to the financial strategies of the wealthy.

SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE

PEOPLE & RESOURCES MENTIONED

CHAPTERS

(1:50) Money and relationship dynamics

(3:04) Financial transparency and discomforts in relationships

(6:08) The emotional narrative of money

(9:03) Defining fairness in shared finances

(11:20) Navigating difficult financial conversation

(14:06) Cultural legacies and masculinity in financial roles

(17:13) Family values and spending habits

(20:18) Abundance versus scarcity mentalities

(21:47) Saving versus spending conflicts in couples

(22:36) Strategies for conflict-free money communication

(30:34) Navigating power and independence in financial relationships

(36:06) The importance of financial transparency

(41:14) Managing unexpected financial changes

(42:36) Financial privacy versus secrecy

(45:39) Establishing principles for financial decisions

(46:16) Regular financial check-ins and reviews

(48:07) Effective financial frameworks for couples

(54:09) Balancing individual and shared goals

(57:44) The importance of prenups

(1:03:38) Connecting with your future self financially

(1:07:12) Conversations about money and family background

(1:12:31) Final advice for newly married couples about money